i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
