i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
