When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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