Girls should come with a carfax report
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
