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I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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