I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
