he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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