I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
