Heybabeimwearingurpanties
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
