I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
