hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
