ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
