I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wish my penis had a tongue
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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