Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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