He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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