Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
