Little spoons don't ask big questions
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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