Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
