This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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