I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
