i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
