He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
