Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
