just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
