I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
