half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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