I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
