she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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