so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I looked at my own cervix.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He passed out mid-signature
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
