My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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