So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
