It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
