you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
