he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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