Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
