You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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