She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
