just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
