Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
