She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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