I just pynch a tree in the face
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
