You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
