my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
