Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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