honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
