I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
