it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
