I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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