The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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