He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
