Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They took my balls.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
