very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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