I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
